All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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