We won't sleep together?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Randomize
