Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
