I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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