thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
