chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
