Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Are we still banned from the library?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
