Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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