At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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