is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
