you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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