You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
