There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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