so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
