the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I touched a dick in church today
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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