Are we in a gay sports bar?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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