I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
