omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
