remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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