I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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