I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
