I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
she was so not down for the gang bang
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Randomize
