roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
