I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
