i dont even know how to be here
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
