i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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