meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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