I need to stop coming to work sober
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Randomize
