she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
