We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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