One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
