God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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