What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
