Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
