just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
don't judge my taste in strippers
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
