I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
