:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize