I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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