Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
