The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
