you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
