my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
