party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
You left your phone here
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