mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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