areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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