Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
