I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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