it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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