We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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