wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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