Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
