Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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