I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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