Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
