i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
