i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Randomize
