The police scanner is talking about you again....
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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