and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
