I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
