I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
