how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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