It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
