dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
