I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize