the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Text me some of your sweat
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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