i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
