You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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