Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
