You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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