i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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