Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
