p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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