Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
