Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
It's not a walk of shame if you run
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
