If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
