Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
that is very illegal...i love you.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
