The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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