it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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