My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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