i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
