Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
