Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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