thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
