I think I just saw someone hide a body.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
