I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
