don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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