I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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