My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
