I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
