i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
