oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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