shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
