I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
