i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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