my mouth tastes like poor choices
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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