I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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