So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
