you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
